{"id":2576,"date":"2026-01-08T19:06:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-08T19:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/?p=2576"},"modified":"2026-02-09T19:10:01","modified_gmt":"2026-02-09T19:10:01","slug":"water-dream-again-combined-with-all-the-spontaneously-cruel-things-i-wanted-to-say-to-my-dad-08-01-26","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/water-dream-again-combined-with-all-the-spontaneously-cruel-things-i-wanted-to-say-to-my-dad-08-01-26\/","title":{"rendered":"WATER DREAM AGAIN COMBINED WITH ALL THE SPONTANEOUSLY CRUEL THINGS I WANTED TO SAY TO MY DAD 08.01.26"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dream from 22 of December 2025 water flood earthquake I\u2019m in a tropical country such as Thailand on a raft on the water with lots of people I decide to get off the raft to look out for danger. I look around and see a giant wave heading towards the raft I know I can\u2019t help them, but I can save myself by diving under the wave. I dive it saves me. I see the raft, heading for the shore at a great speed I swim towards them second dream in a badly built, very lightweight building. I\u2019m in a single room flat with my dad. The washing machine is on, and it makes the building move as if there was an earthquake it bends to one side and then another swinging and swaying around until it is touching a car parked on the street outside. I wait for it to fall down and crumble, but somehow it comes back to its original position the same thing happens repeatedly a few more times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me and Dad in a house on a tropical beach with tornato twisting and turning the house between cars while the washing is on. The house bends like made of rubber, until you can touch a car parked outside through the window. But then it returns to standing. I did a pencil sketch and briefed my kids to interpret my dream, without telling them it was me and dad. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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COMBINED WITH ALL THE SPONTANEOUSLY CRUEL THINGS I WANTED TO SAY TO MY DAD 08.01.26<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Musze powiedzie\u0107, ze trudno mi by\u0142o z Toba rozmawia\u0107 w ciagu naszych ostatnich spotkan. Mam takie wra\u017cenie, ze staram sie w pozytywny spos\u00f3b podtrzymywa\u0107 nasza relacje, pomaga\u0107 kiedy moge, i ze generalnie sie staram i wkladam w to troche energii. Ale czuje, ze od Ciebie dostaje bardzo niewiele w zamian. Jak Ci opowiadam o swoich sukcesach w Londynie, to nie reagujesz specjalnie entuzjastycznie. Za to Od razu miales potrzebe zachwycac sie Marczakiem i jego nagrodami i rodzina, bez kompletnej \u015bwiadomo\u015bci, jakie to moze byc dla mnie krzywdzace, w prawie automatycznej reakcji na moje zadowolenie z siebie i mojej wystawy. Niby jestes wrazliwy, a zdajesz sie byc tak przesiakniety szowinizmem, ze na radosc corki z sukcesu bardziej zachwycasz sie sukcesem jej bylego, znienawidzonego faceta, ktory zlamal jej serce. Nawet przez chwile sie nie zastanawiajac, jaka krzywde mi tym wyrzadzasz. Moj wlasny ojciec, ktory bardziej docenia sukcesy innych facetow niz swojej wlasnej corki. I jeszcze gwozdz do trumny: synowie Mariusza to go utrzymuja i wystawiaja sie w Desie, i pracuja z prezydentami miast!!! Mariusze pewnie wspiera swoich synow w ich dzialaniach, dodaje im odwagi i w nich wierzy. Nawet do mnie wydzwanial zeby im pomoc. W przeciwie\u0144stwie do Twojej wiary we mnie, bo w Twoim mniemaniu ja jesten pewnie matka do gotowania i sprzatania, jak Twoja matka, tam moje miejsce, a nie w galeriach swiatowych i na wystawach. Przynajmniej nie czuje Twojego wsparcia w ogole w tej kwestii. Bardzo mnie skrzywdzily te Twoje teksty, czego Ty pewnie w ogole nie zauwazasz. Twierdzisz, ze jestes empatyczny ale chyba glownie w stosunku do siebie i innych mezczyzn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zanim mialam dzieci to mnie wapierales a jak juz stalam sie matka, to w Twoich oczach powinnam zajmowac sie dziecmi i innymi facetami w rodzinie i nie powinnam miec wlasnych potrzeb. Swiat sie troche zmienil, moze poczytaj sobie troche na ten temat. Kobiety maja pasje i je realizuja a faceci nie wstydza sie kontaktu z dziecmi i zajmowania sie domem<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Byc moze u Ciebie to wszystko wynika z depresji ale najlepszym rozwi\u0105zaniem jest pojscie do paychiatry po leki i na terapie a nie wymaganie od rodziny, zeby leczyla. Mowienie przy wnukach na spotkaniu, ktore apecjalnie do Ciebie przyjechaly, ze nie masz czego swietowac powoduje, ze watpie w ten pomysl z nocowaniem, nie chce, zeby sie zle u Ciebie czuly, bo nie potrafisz im pokazac, ze ich kochasz i ze Ci daja radosc. Moglbys uruchomic Facetime i do nich dzwonic zamiast czekac az my zawsze wykonamy pierwszy ruch<\/p>\n\n\n\n

English translation somehow makes it sound much softer and less confrontational:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to say that I found it very difficult to talk to you during our recent meetings. I have the feeling that I\u2019m trying to maintain our relationship in a positive way, to help whenever I can, and that in general I really make an effort and put energy into it. But I feel that I receive very little from you in return. When I tell you about my successes in London, you don\u2019t react with much enthusiasm. Instead, you immediately felt the need to admire Marczak and his awards and family, without any awareness of how hurtful this could be for me\u2014almost as an automatic reaction to my own satisfaction with myself and my exhibition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You claim to be sensitive, yet you seem so soaked in chauvinism that in response to your daughter\u2019s joy at her success, you admire instead the success of her former, hated partner\u2014the man who broke her heart. Without stopping even for a moment to consider how much this hurts me. My own father, who values the successes of other men more than those of his own daughter. And then the final nail in the coffin: Mariusz\u2019s sons support him financially, exhibit at Desa, and work with city presidents!!! Mariusz clearly supports his sons, gives them confidence, and believes in them. He even called me to help them. In contrast to your belief in me\u2014because in your view I am probably meant to be a mother who cooks and cleans, like your mother, and that is where my place is, not in world-class galleries and exhibitions. At least that is how it feels, because I don\u2019t feel your support at all in this area.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your comments hurt me deeply, something you probably don\u2019t notice at all. You claim to be empathetic, but it seems mostly toward yourself and other men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I had children, you supported me. But once I became a mother, in your eyes I should focus on the children and on other men in the family, and I should not have needs of my own. The world has changed somewhat\u2014maybe you should read a bit about that. Women have passions and pursue them, and men are not ashamed of having contact with children and taking care of the home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps all of this comes from your depression, but the best solution is to go to a psychiatrist for medication and therapy, not to expect the family to do the healing for you. Saying in front of your grandchildren\u2014who came especially to see you\u2014that you have nothing to celebrate makes me doubt the idea of them staying overnight. I don\u2019t want them to feel bad with you because you are unable to show them that you love them and that they bring you joy. You could turn on FaceTime and call them instead of always waiting for us to make the first move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The main problem for me is, I could probably never say these things to my dad in person, to his face. I feel that as soon as I’m with him I’m this kid again, guilty of my parent’s divorce, of my mum leaving him for someone else and taking his daughter with her, guilty of him feeling depressed and having a shitty life as a result of lost jobs, depressed mother, very sick and dying wife. I remember him crying when we would spend time together after my parents divorce, I was 10 and barely holding myself together without “mature” family member in sight or therapy. I feel my contact with him is mostly based on guilt and feeling bad for him. I don’t even think that I can call that empathy. Yet somehow I worry about him and on the rare 3-4times a year I see him I take on the role of his mother\/carer\/friend, trying to be everyone he has lost for him. It’s not good for me. I need to protect myself. I don’t know how. It’s also not just his attitude towards me that’s changed. It’s me who has changed. Having kids triggered that need to take care of people, which is in huge conflict with the selfish only child I was raised as. As an only daughter I got along with him just fine. As a mother\/daughter I’m torn between daughter and carer.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dream from 22 of December 2025 water flood earthquake I\u2019m in a tropical country such […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[582,143,587,210,142,33,238,133,7,113,355,132,114,93,295,451,94,175,173],"tags":[359,503,333,293,148,86,528,530,147,597,596,37,531,52,11,289,598,74],"class_list":["post-2576","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-caring","category-dreams","category-duality","category-emotions","category-experiences","category-family","category-feminism","category-ideas","category-identity","category-love","category-motherhood","category-poland","category-psychology","category-reflections","category-symbolism","category-therapy","category-trauma","category-water","tag-anger","tag-care","tag-chauvinism","tag-confrontation","tag-daughter","tag-depression","tag-doubts","tag-envy","tag-father","tag-female-role-expectations","tag-hurtful","tag-invisibility","tag-jealousy","tag-mental-health","tag-mothers","tag-patriarchy","tag-vulnerability","tag-worry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2576","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2576"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2576\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2577,"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2576\/revisions\/2577"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/olgaszynkarczuk.com\/pl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}